Why do I write songs?
Upon being asked, “How do I write songs?” and then giving vague, unsatisfactory and somewhat different answers every time, I decided to tackle this question. It was time for some reflection, and I figured — I needed to first reflect on “why do I write songs?” and that would answer the “how”.
“If you know the why, you can live any how.” — Nietzche
For as long as I can remember, I have always been someone who has hummed songs. Humming at times has been my method of coping with things in life. At times I have been completely unaware that I have been humming, and it sort of has come as second nature to me.
When singing to myself I have found solace when the going has gotten tough. In the lyrics to the songs, I have tried to look for myself and my story. I think music has been always my escape from the real world. And the lyrics to the songs have been an outlet for the emotions that have lodged deep within me. That being said, I am not a music fanatic either.
Growing up, I recall singing while walking, whilst in class and working on a mathematical task. I have sung when scribbling copious notes for class, and even sung when I have been out on the playing field — come as second nature. Music, therefore, now I can say had been my childhood friend, and I have enjoyed its company before the advent and distractions brought on by technology. During those long powercut hours back in the day — a lot of the time was spent singing, strumming a tennis racquet that served as a makeshift guitar.
As a little kid in a boarding school and far away from home, I think I sang because it was an activity that made me feel closer to home. I sang to maybe to ward off any loneliness. But I guess that was not the only reason to sing- I
I had fun with it.
Writing my first song
This memory was buried somewhere so deep down that I had forgotten all about it — Until now.
I had to be in grade two- when I wrote my first song. I cannot remember the song in its entirety, but I do remember it went something like this-
Oh! lord where are you?
I have been searching for you…
And the song is entirely about my search for god. I go on to look for him in various places, and in the end — I find him, seated in my heart.
Looking back now, I am pretty proud of the eight-year-old me. The environment I was growing up in had a direct impact on this first song. Mine was a religious school and it was only natural that I was writing about my search for god because that is what we were taught. I do remember the song being well received, and one of my teachers even took the time to add music to the song and made me practice singing it to the tune.
I don’t remember writing many songs after that during my school days. Whilst I do remember singing a lot, I can only recall a handful of times I wrote songs back then. I recall trying to write a Hindi song, and even coming up with a musical composition for it. And this other song that I remember is about a ‘martyr’. Other than these two, I fail to remember any other song. However, I am pretty confident that I did write a few more songs than the three aforementioned songs.
I started learning to play the guitar when I was in college. And that’s when I think the songwriting went up a notch. Before this, I would during load-shedding hours pretend to strum my tennish racquet and sing along to it. I loved learning how to play the guitar, and I was really invested in learning it. I vividly recall from the initial days and after having gotten somewhat apt at strumming and after learning a few chords — my songwriting journey had begun. There were songs like “Intoxicated”, “Tulu Tulu”- one of I wrote for my sister, “Harayeko Manche (The Lost human)” and “Feelings”. I did scribble couple more songs during this time. Some of which I have forgotten and some are still stored in my old song diary — which I cannot seem to find.
Writing songs came naturally to me. I mean, I do not know if I was writing good songs or bad songs. The point was to write, and write more precisely what I was thinking. These were my inner monologues being transcribed onto a piece of paper, and then being sung out loud for my ears. These songs had to make sense to me first and foremost. They had to make me go “Woah!!! Yap! this is exactly what I wanted to say”. And I am glad to say I have been able to accomplish this more than once.
The Writing Process:
Yes, I feel like writing songs came naturally to me, however, now that I think of it — there still was a process. It definitely was not some random act and I was not able to conjure up these words because I was extremely talented (which I am not). I used to believe and think, it was all about the inspiration. I still believe a part of it. The inspiration part is an integral part of the process, but inspiration alone does not get one to finish the entire song — at least it does not for me.
I distinctly remember writing “Harayeko Manche”. The title of the song came to me one days as I was riding my bike back home from school.
Equipped with this inspiration and having a slight hint of the story I wanted to tell helped me finish the song. As soon as I got home, I picked up the guitar, stood in front of the mirror and kept humming the initial lines. I do not know how much time it took to complete the framework of the song, but I’d like to think — it took me a day to flesh out the framework. Over the years, the way I sing it has changed, a few tweaks to the lyrics have been made — but the overall storytelling framework is still as it was from day one. Similarly, the song “Tulu Tulu” was a product of me knowing how much I would miss my sister when she travelled abroad to study. With all these songs, after the initial inspiration, I sat down and tried to tell my story. There was no pressure of a deadline, no pressure for me to write anything really — but I wanted to do it. There was no pressure even to have fun with it. It became an activity that I wanted to do when boredom struck. Was it enjoyable? Sometimes yes, other times no. If I enjoyed I sat on it for hours, other times maybe a few minutes here and there. But I was consistent with it for a long time then. Back in those days, the distraction from social media was minimal. Facebook was in its infancy, Nokia phones were still popular and if you owned a moto razer — it was cool. iPhone was a thing for dreams. Again, load-shedding also did help. It was during these powercut hours, I could explore this creative aspect and unknowingly sharpen my songwriting and singing skills. I was also able to hone in on my passion for singing — so, yeah, I am thankful in some way for those long hours of powercut. Although I wouldn’t want powercuts to be a norm again.
Even during the later years when I wrote “Mayai Maya” and “Rajkuamri” somehow the environment was suitable for me. I was not deliberately setting up the environment to tap into my creative reserve. Somehow as with the power cuts, I again had an environment where I could single-mindedly work on songwriting and singing. As an international student, I could strum my guitar and comfort myself. During this time, I also would sing my songs for family and friends, and their kind words did also motivate me. It was a sort of validation. “Mayai maya” was a song that came to me after spending a drunken night at my friends' place. When I woke up the next morning — I somehow knew the story I wanted to tell. Now all I had to do was flesh it out. And so I rushed to my apartment, grabbed my guitar and sat with it for hours on end — and finished the three paragraphs I was satisfied with. I remember vividly, humming the first few lines of “Mayai Maya” on the train to my apartment so as to not forget the melody and the first one or two lines.
So when I look back and think about my process — I definitely tend to start with an inspiration. But then I have always sat down with guitar in my hand and ransacked my head to find the appropriate words to build a story. And as I build the story — I talk to myself and ask is this what I want to say? Sometimes the answer is yes, most times it does not feel quite right. I’d like to say I have been lucky with how the environment around me has been set up for both the inspiration and the writing process.
And definitely, as I step into this new year, I would like to be more deliberate with setting up the environment so that it allows me to tell many more stories.
But above all, if this reflection has given me any new insight or reminders, it is:
“that I write because there was never any external or internal pressure to write. And sure, over time I do get sucked into the fame, the recognition, but I think it is important to remind myself that these were never the reasons I started writing in the first place. So I’ll keep on writing and singing, but now I feel after this reflective exercise, I am armed with a vital insight”
BE DELIBERATE
